We are creatures that have cravings. Some people need power, or possessions. There is a drive to obtain success, control, or that item that you feel you have to have to experience a certain level of joy or freedom.
It is different with everyone, but we all have that one thing that we feel defines us. Or if you are like me, the one constantly changing thing for that moment. It could be the great job that finally makes you feel empowered. It might be that new skill or trait that will give you the ability to be more like the person you have always wanted to be. It may even be as basic as a particular item that unlocks the lifestyle you have always envisioned for yourself.
Each serves a different part of the psyche, a segment of the personality. At one time or another each of us has had a goal in each of the three categories. From psychological affirmation, as with the job, to something physical in the environment, or the much fuzzier to define items of creativity and personal development that serve the higher self. At times the categories may overlap. That item that you just had to have in school, not for personal needs, but to gain the approval of your peer group. This is a physical item serving a psychological goal. The layers of these three aspects of a desire can get hopelessly entangled in ever more increasing ways, till a person becomes frustrated and doubtful that the goal can ever be achieved. What most miss, is that it is not the goal causing the stress, but the motivation.
Why do we crave these things? Why do we fill the holes left by their absence with vices, and poor replacements? Why, even after we attain these things, does the apatite not go away?
Could it be that the goal was just the solidification of a stronger drive. Something much more essential, more elemental, lurks below. Religion, Science, and Philosophy have all posed answers to those questions. Hypothesis stem from the Buddhist's souls yearning to escape rebirth, to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, or the philosophical realms of aesthetics and dualism.
Ultimately they all indicate the same thing. We crave happiness, but settle for pleasure. The reason we have these wants is simply answered. We want to be happy, but some logical fallacy has convinced us that there is some prerequisite that we have to attain first.
Chew on that for a second. There is no prerequisite for happiness. If you polled every truly joyous person in the world there would not be a solid physical indicator for happiness. It is internal, it is pervasive. They are happy, because they allow themselves to be happy wherever they are with whatever they have. Joy springs eternal because they allow it. They still have needs, goals, and motivations, but are not defined by them.
In the last post I talked about the spark. Happiness is the same way. It is everywhere. When you begin to focus on it, and foster it, you'll see it. You have to concentrate on seeing it at first, but that primal joy is there in even the bleakest times. Train your mind to accept it by looking for it anywhere. On a physical level, your brain is designed for pattern recognition. If you concentrate on happiness for a few minutes each day you physically build neural pathways strengthening your ability to perceive happiness. Once you have identified it, you can really tell the difference between that and the instant gratification pleasure you get from whatever thing you try to use to fill the gap in yourself. I will beat this concept to death. Happiness is a skill you refine through practice.
Your goal today is to spend a little time concentrating on happiness. Not the thing that you feel will bring you happiness, but the emotion itself. Think back to a moment when you were truly happy. It could be the birth of a child, a wedding, a day sitting at the beach doing nothing at all. Whatever your little happy thought is, just reflect on it. It is proven science that just smiling engages the part of your brain responsible for happiness. Just intentionally smiling for no good reason puts you into a better mindset. Hold onto that feeling, and bring it up to the front of your mind throughout your day. This will require you to slow down once or twice, but I promise it will be worth it. As of this moment you are responsible for your own joy.
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